shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize