I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
