Need sex. Gaining weight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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