Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
