My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
