Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
