I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
