if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
