a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
