i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
