it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
