Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
