My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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