Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need water and some morals
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
