Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The Olympian is in my bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
