Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
