After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
