I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
