exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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