I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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