I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
