I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize