well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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