Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
