you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
