oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
