im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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