It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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