Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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