I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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