that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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