Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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