sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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