The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
soo... how was my night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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