and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize