my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
