Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
