Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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