Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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