Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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