woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
God I need to hump something, right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
