I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
