I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
