Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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