He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
