the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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