Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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