My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
