He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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