just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
