He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
