I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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