hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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