never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
