I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
