I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
