Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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