I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
