Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We need to get me chipped asap
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
