Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How does one acquire holy water?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
