I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
