so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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