Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
