dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
