Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
