the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize