Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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