Little spoons don't ask big questions
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
