So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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