you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
