you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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