Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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