It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
