Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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