Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize