If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
