I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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