I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
