the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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