But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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