We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
