How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
