Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize