we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
