shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
