you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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