we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
