Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
