Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
