I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
