Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
