I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
