Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
