JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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