Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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