If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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