What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
