Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize