I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
