dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
